Friday, February 23, 2007

Hoser of the Week: Pacman Jones

I made a unilateral decision to award Pacman Jones the Hoser of the Week quite simply because there is absolutely no doubt that this guy is a complete hoser. The rap sheet on this guy is a mile long, and if he isn't released by the Titans, despite being a tremendous talent, I will be very disappointed. The incident that allowed Pacman to leap-frog such well deserving hosers as Brandon Powell or the NCAA, involved a rain-storm, strippers, Las Vegas, and a severed spinal cord.

The details are as follows. Pacman Jones and his entourage went to Minxx, a Gentlemen's club in Las Vegas during NBA All Star Weekend. Apparently, Pacman likes to "make it rain" on the dancers, which includes throwing a pile of money on the stage where the girls dance. The dancers are expecting to frolic in the money until Pacman says its OK. After Pacman gives the go-ahead, the ladies are "allowed" to take the money and make way for the next act (undoubtedly a naught nurse, a school-teacher, or a catholic school girl). On the night in question, the dancer did not know of Pacman's ritual and had the audacity to pick up the money that was thrown at her (apparently totalling close to 81,000) before Pacman said it was OK. Ever the gentleman, Pacman went Ike Turner on the dancer and slammed her head onto the stage. He was restrained by Minxx security and the club was cleared. Pacman, reportedly, told he bouncers who restrained him that he was going to "smoke their asses." Unfortunately, his entourage did. An hour later, shots were fired at Minxx by a man, allegedly seated next to Pacman during the storm. The bullets from his gun severed the spine of one security guard who is now paralyzed from the waist down. Another security guard and a female customer were also shot.

I don't think Hoser of the Week is a sufficient title for Pacman, I would hope the Titans do the right thing and add "Unemployed" to his already sterling resume.


J.B., M.D. said...

Who says professional athletes aren't role models?

Was $81,000 a typo? Seems like a risky, short-term investment.

Lauren said...

Since my knowledge of rap music extends far beyond my knowledge of sports, I feel that I am in a unique position to provide commentary on this situation. It seems that Pacman’s desire to “make it rain” was indisputably inspired by a song of the same title by Fat Joe and Lil Wayne. While I agree completely with Bobby’s assessment of the situation, I think there’s more to be said. The main refrain of song’s lyrics goes, “yeah, I’m in this business of terror, got a handful of stacks, you better grab an umbrella—I make it rain on ‘em hoes, I make it rain.” While slightly aggressive, the song is really a celebration of excess. To throw wads of money into the air is to suggest a carefree lifestyle and the ability to be indifferent towards financial constraints. Pacman’s exertion of control, manifested in the attack of the stripper and shooting of three others is completely out of line with this ideal. Pacman should learn that aside from flashin grillz and throwin the deuce, it’s generally not a good idea to even attempt reenacting things you hear in rap songs. HOSER.

Seamus O'Toole said...

See Lauren's comment.

Boyer in the District said...

Look, people can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, ONCE. But with this guy, it seems to be EVERYTIME. Maybe it's the wrong place at the wrong time BECAUSE Pacman is there.

This isn't Grand Theft Auto, Pacman.

J.B., M.D. said...

Pacman needs a strong role model and clearly having Albert Haynesworth as his primary hasn't helped.