Monday, January 22, 2007

Hoser of the Week Nominations

Who is this week's Hoser?


Bobby O'Shea said...

Papa O'Shea. Going 1-5 in pick'em is poor, especially since you backed into your one win on the over/under pick in the Saints/Bears game.

You never want to be in a place where you are faced with the reality that your dad is a hoser. This is a sad day for Bobby O.

J.B., M.D. said...

Let me watch 24 tonight and I'll get back to you.

Stanimal said...

It is fairly evident that until D.B. Woodside receives the award, J.B. will never be satisfied.

Unknown said...

I highly doubt that D.B. will be able to act his way out of this award tonight, given his performance thus far in the first 4 hours. I think we can safely say he will once again be in the running for Hoser of the week

Seamus O'Toole said...

After watching President Palmer's "address to the nation" at the conclusion of last night's episode, I'm leaning toward D.B. Woodside unless someone can convince me otherwise.

Also, can we discuss the 21st-century implications of the American president sporting a goatee? I'm all for individuality, but that just seems bizarre.

Stanimal said...

Yeah, I'm voting for old D.B. this week. I can't think of any way to get around it.

J.B., M.D. said...

Finally, the doctor has a strong following.

Just look at this guy's acting career until now:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (he played the principal of the H.S.)
The Division
Murder One (cancelled, not surprisingly)

I've always had a trememdous respect for the office of the President, but T.V. execs in the last few years (with Geena Davis in mind), have really trampled all over the presidency.

D.B. Woodside is the icing on this 's-word' cake. I guess he got the part because he looks similar to Dennis Haysbert, even though the only reasonable resemblence is merely their race [clearly acting ability is not a genetic trait].

I don't know. I'm frustrated. I'm extremely irritated that this clownshoe of an actor plays such a prominent role on the top primetime TV show. Not that Jack Bauer needed to look that much more of a badass, but Woodside did just that with the SOTU speech, and with his general, overall, unlikeable, sad, pouting demeanor.

D.B. Woodside, you are a fake, you are a douchebag, you are over your head, you are not Jack Bauer and you certainly are............

A HOSER, forever.

J.B., M.D. said...

And not to sound too effeminate, but his thin little mustache really creeps me out [to add to Shamus' point]

Stanimal said...

Woodside also has a Masters in Fine Arts from the Yale School of Drama. Has anyone in history ever done less with a degree?

Bobby O'Shea said...

As bad as D.B. might be, I think we must also consider ESPN Analyst Sean Salisbury for this week's Hoser honors. Seany good-times has been accused this week of virtually exposing himself to female ESPN colleagues via camera-phone pictures. According to, Salisbury would ask co-workers if they wanted to see pictures of his kids and when they did, they saw little Sean.

To add insult to injury when describing Peyton Manning's calmness in the second half, Salisbury allegedly said:

"No need to panic. We'll nip. We'll tuck. We'll go. We'll crunch. We'll Jew. We'll do it all and they nickel and dimed them and Peyton made the play when it mattered."

While ESPN insists that Salisbury said "Chew" and not "Jew," it is certainly suspect. In context, what would "We'll chew" even mean? We'll "chew" up clock? We'll "chew" up yardage? Perhaps, but I'll tell you something Sean, "Yor Suspect!"

Which is why you are a nominee for Hoser of the Week.

Anonymous said...

Before the great and awesome Marty announces his nomination for this week's HOSER, he'd like to share his list of others who warranted consideration:

1) Reche Caldwell, a.k.a., "Mr. Hands"
2) Rosie O'Donnell, a.k.a, "The Future Mrs. Donald Trump"
3) Ryan Gosling, a.k.a., "Mr. My Life Is Better Than Yours Because I'm Dating Rachel McAdams AND I Was Just Nominated For An Oscar"
4) Morris O'Brian, a.k.a., "The Former Mr. Chloe O'Brian"
5) Mike Krzyzewski, a.k.a., "The Antichrist"

All things considered, Marty is compelled to nominate Lindsay Lohan as this week's HOSER for checking into rehab at the ripe age of 20, and then demanding his sympathy. She'll get none of it. Marty is predicting that Lohan will substitute her addiction(s) to coke/heroine/alcohol with an equally dangerous addition to Krispy Kreme donuts. She's going to balloon up like Kirstie Alley, mark Marty's words. She might not always be a drug addict ... but she'll always be a HOSER.

Bobby O'Shea said...

Salisbury has to win...listen to this:

Woody said...

This stems directly from being a Vanderbilt fan and therefore, loathes Tennessee.

Did anyone see Bruce Pearl paint his chest Orange for Summit's (a.k.a, coach K's parallel in the realm of woman's basketball) game aginst Dook?

No one wants to see that.

While I agree that D.B. is a poor President, I disagree that he should get the hoser of the week. My personal feeling is that the Hoser should go to a current or past athlete or someone in the sports business, i.e. Salisbury Steak.

Disclaimer: I was rooting for the Colts last weekend. Having said that, Reche Caldwell dropped a clear touchdown pass and one pass when he was UNCOVERED! Needless to say, he catches those, there is a chance the game has a different winner. In my mind, he is more deserving then anyone for absolutely choking in a big game.

Woody said...

One other nomination: Mike Nifong.

The North Carolina Bar brough ethics charges against him today that, if found guilty, will remove him from the Bar.

From ESPN:
"Nifong's office arranged for a private lab to conduct DNA testing as part of the investigation into allegations three men raped a 28-year-old woman hired to perform as a stripper at a party thrown by the lacrosse team last March.

Those tests uncovered genetic material from several men on the woman's underwear and body, but none from any lacrosse player. The bar complaint alleges those results weren't released to defense lawyers in a timely fashion and that Nifong repeatedly said in court he had turned over all evidence that would potentially benefit the defense.

Nifong's actions constitute a "systematic abuse of prosecutorial discretion ... prejudicial to the administration of justice," the complaint read."

Good Riddance.

Stanimal said...

I really think we'd have to come up with a new category for Nifong. Hoser is bad, but that guy is one of the top five worst human beings in the past 2 years.

Seamus O'Toole said...

Just want to throw in my two cents with respect to the justification for hoser nominees...

To call someone a hoser is to attack that person's character. I disagree that the likes of Papa O'Shea and Reche Caldwell warrant consideration for hoser just because they had a bad game (or five, in Papa O's case).

I much prefer, and recommend, nomination of individuals such as Sean Salisbury, who are (a) morally/socially suspect, and (b) at least somewhat involved in the sporting realm.

I'm still considering voting for DB Woodside so the doctor will be satisfied, but ultimately I think if there is a sports-related person who has done something deserving of blame or ridicule, they ought to get a leg up on non-sports figures.

DB or Sean? It's going to be close. Someone convince us one way or the other.

Woody said...

If you are using this award to attack someone's character, as in a trait, then it goes to Sean. If you are referring to character, as in an acting role, then D.B.

Based on how you define a 'hoser' as-someone who's character traits are morally suspect-then you have must go with Sean.

D.B. plays a character on a television show that is no way related to sports. Can't we all agree that he is a bad actor and move on?

J.B., M.D. said...

No, it must be made official, cemented on the record, and yelled profusely with a strong Canadian accent:

"D.B. Woodside, ya HOSER!"

Stanimal said...

J.B., I'm starting to think we should nominate you for HOTW. After all, I do know you in real life, and you are pretty miserable.

Anonymous said...

Marty will say this straight up:

He likes D.B Woodside and he likes what he's doing with Wayne Palmer. Without Marty's man, Sherri Palmer would still be alive. Alan Millikin (also a primo d-bag) would still be a pulling strings. And since there were two near misses on Dave Palmer while he was still in office, Marty won't blame WP for big brother getting wacked in Season 5.

D.B. is just dumbing you guys up before he hits you with some haymakers, a la Gregory Itzin (President Logan) last season. Believe Marty when he says that.

And for the record, Marty would take the tag team of Lil' Wayne Palmer and Thomas Lennox (aka the dude from Ally McBeal and/or Janosz from Ghostbusters II) in a steel cage match over G.W. Bush and any other ass clown you could find in the current adminstration.

And yes, Marty just went there.

J.B., M.D. said...

Don't cross the doctor, Stanimal. I'll hose you.

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