Friday, January 29, 2010

Some Friendly Banter with our Friends at Anything But Gatorade

Anything But Gatorade: In the past two seasons, Kevin Stallings has tried to shed Vanderbilt's basketball heritage as a team that would do well in 1952, meaning scrawny white guys who can shoot a lot but not do much else, to something resembling a modern day basketball team with drive-to-the-basket scorers and big men who don't cry (at least not every time) when their toes are stepped on. My question is this: how long before the school totally shuts that down like it did the athletics department, because excellence in athletics IS CLEARLY AN AFFRONT TO VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY?

VSL: We'll work on your answer (ha, ha, we never did...that'll show'em). In the meantime, ponder this: Does it bother you that your team's success in the Calipari era is likely to be vacated by the NCAA soon?

ABG: It bothers me about as much as Professor Lang bothers little kids. Who changes their hairstyle more often, A.J. Ogilvy, Steve Tchiengang, or Lindsay Lohan?

VSL: A.J isn't afraid to express himself and try new things. While we were sad to see the 'stach go, the future is bright with the frosted tips. In all seriousness though, are you worried that you might lose DeMarcus Cousins to MMA after his phenomenal debut against a 2 Gamecock frat stars?

ABG: Well, as you can not really see at all on any video anywhere, DeMarcus has a pretty decent boxing background but his ground game needs work since, well, it's so far down there from almost seven feet. If those kids knew anything, they would have gotten a step ladder and gone for his headband. That would really piss him off. Speaking of heads, has Brad Tinsley ever considered getting some kind of otoplasty? Those Dumbo wings are bound to cost him some valuable time when he's running fourteen sets of gassers for CKS during weekday practices.

VSL: While we're on the subject of heads, would Josh Harrellson's fall off if he shaved that chin strap? Mark my words, if "George" Harrellson hadn't already chosen a lucrative position with the Wildcats, he'd have a helluva career in showbiz. I hear the Hollywood talent scouts have been going gaga over his player profile video - "comin' to ya live!"

ABG: Harrelson, also known for his affinity for Crocs and jorts, is actually Tim Tebow's much taller younger brother. But he's got nothing on A. J.'s Fu Manchu. Would I be wrong if I assumed that he used Stallings's dome as a mirror when he trimmed that thing?

I can see that the Dores are continuing their tried and true practice of poaching shooters from Kentucky's back yard in hopes that they get hot against the Cats and ride the bench the rest of the year. But who the he'll are those other upperclassmen o. The roster? I'm guessing the zeroes in the minutes played column reflect Vandys margin of victory, about four points.


: I honestly can't believe you are still bitter about Ross Neltner. Live in the now, man

ABG: t wasn't just Neltner, by the way. There was also Scott Hundley, Barry Goheen, and Dan Langhi! Once is a coincidence, four or five times is a trend.

We encourage readers of both sites to get into the spirit and ask mean-spirited questions


Anything but Gatorade said...

Excuse the ridiculousness of the last graf; typing on iPhones is hard sometimes. But don't tell Steve Jobs.

Anonymous said...

Add one more sharpshooting Kentuckian to our illustrious list: Phil Cox.

How many more point would good ol' 00 have put up if he played in the 3 pt shot era?!

Anything but Gatorade said...

Speaking of zeroes, how many minutes off your lives do you Commies fans lose every time Jermaine Beal goes up for a jumper? THAT ONE'S FOR COLIN.

Stanimal said...

After last game I think Dolla has earned the right to bury those shots. No way we win without him on Wednesday.

Could John Wall be a bigger baby? He looks constipated when he doesn't get the foul calls he wants.

Anything but Gatorade said...

He's about as pouty as A.J. is when he gets bumped. It's a rule in college basketball that the star player gets all the calls, right? Right???

I think Wall is just gassy from all the bacon he eats before games, thus explaining the looks and occasional cramps. Someone who needs more bacon on Vandy's roster? Elliot Cole.

Anonymous said...

Stallings, bald as he is, would have kicked ass here instead of hiding behind someone else:

Colin said...

The answer is: 3 minutes for everytime he takes one of those shots from behind three, I've lost aproximately 2 years of my life over his career... (I'm very okay when he comes in two feet and his shooting percentage doubles and other people get more open.), and an extra year when I saw the ESPN headline "The Real BEAL." If espn thinks Jermaine Beal is the reason we have won 10 straight it just proves that they only watched the UT game. By the way I'm not arguing that it's not true, but the "We lose that game wednsday if not for him (the true part), so he can do whatever he wants" argument is a disaster waiting to happen and also means Tinsley should do whatever he wants for keeping us in it with Auburn, or That fez get's to do whatever he wants cuz he got 4 blocks against manhattan. You all can get on my case for not drinking the predicament koolaid, bt atleast I'm consistent, since when does showing up and doing what your supposed to and not killing us merit a parade? Face it your expectations are lower then you care to admit, you just don't want to be agreeing with me.

Unknown said...

don't forget about former kentucky mr. basketball rick jones

Anything but Gatorade said...

Never liked that guy. I'm glad he was a bust.

Stanimal said...

Just saying he played a good game. Also was bantering with the UK supporter.

Anything but Gatorade said...

You know, I was really expecting a lot more vitriol from you Commies fans. I'll go ahead and unreasonably correlate your lukewarm attitude with that of your team while they get ready for the game tomorrow. WIN.

George Bluth said...

I've seen John Wall go down with what seems to be a season (or should I say career?) ending injury at least 6 times this season. But then again I would probably want to get off my home court if my own fans were calling other fans of my same school "psychopathic techno-terrorists."

George Bluth said...

Also, question - will worldwide wes be at the game tomorrow?

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