Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Big Guy: Jay Cutler > Rex Grossman : Vanderbilt > Florida

Note to Readers, the Big Guy's columns will appear whenever he feels like writing them. This one is particularly un-topical because we neglected to post it until now. There are stats that were included in the original article that do not appear below because, quite honestly, I can't figure out how to get them in. I have provided a link and apologize to the author.

I would be terribly remiss in my first official attempt to contribute to this blog without starting with the Rex Grossman disaster and then moving on to something better. Because most national contributors have already hit the low points of Grossman’s Super Bowl ‘performance’ – coupled with the fact that I was engrossed in game upon game of Vanderbilt’s favorite pastime, Beirut – I’ll take the moral low ground and go where many of us and none of them have gone, into the depths of facebook. After a cursory search of groups, I found 160 groups [sounds arbitrary, but that’s merely where I lost count] with an anti-Grossman theme. Allow me to share a few classic titles:

1. “TAR AND FEATHER REX GROSSMAN” [An old standard]
2. “On Sunday 12/3/2006 my GPA was higher than Rex Grossman’s passer rating” [1.3]
3. “I still support Rex Grossman (And I don’t care if I’m the only member!)”
4. “Olin Kreutz: Only You Can Prevent Rex Grossman From Committing Turnovers”

And my absolute favorite:

5. “I Don't Want To Live in a World where Rex Grossman is a Super Bowl Champion: Because living in a world where Rex ‘Mr. 0.0 and 1.3 QB Rating’ Grossman can NOT be allowed to have more Super Bowl rings than Dan Marino.” [Grammatically awful, but you get the point]

If you have time [as I clearly did], I recommend a full scholarly exploration of these groups and their pictures.

I will conclude by utilizing a $150,000+ education to act as harbinger for the NFL careers of Vanderbilt’s Jay Cutler and Florida’s Rex Grossman, and to offer some real, actual insight. I refer you to where I found an interesting piece of information.

Rex Grossman’s split stats, 2006-2007 Season

Jay Cutler’s split stats, 2006-2007 Season

We all know about his excellent physical skills – arm strength, elusiveness, etc… – but these stats clearly reveal Cutler’s tough mentality and ‘comebackability’ in close games when his team trails. Most quarterbacks have the physical traits necessary to win at the highest level, yet only a handful demonstrates these Cutleresque intangibles. Most importantly and in all ways related, this unequivocally shows that Vanderbilt > Florida.

Finally, a routine search for Jay Cutler facebook groups found a bevy of overwhelming support for the Broncos QB [an inverse to that of Grossman groups, the only negativity here thanks to a few inevitable Jake the Snake blowhards]. After hours of grueling research, I stumbled across this gem which I can not and will not describe in my own words on this blog ( I recommend taking a look… if you have a second [I clearly did].

Until next time, fellow Commies,

J.B., M.D.


Unknown said...

I am glad to see that one of DC's finest men has taken a momentary break from winning over the ladies to share some insight that though avalible in the press, never quite like this. I look forward to future commentary...all the best, from my car.

Anonymous said...

vandy's win today against florida certainly supports your claim that vu > uf! you're brilliant, j.b., m.d...

Anonymous said...

i must contest the argument made by one j.b., m.d. for the mere fact that he is a fraud.

J.B., M.D. said...

I must contest Anonymous' statement for the mere fact that anonymity is cowardice.